a thought on happiness

A few weeks ago I was on my way to see a friend who lives out of town. This route down the Sterling highway is one I have grown particularly fond of, not only because I’ve driven it often but, it gives me time to be with myself, and to simply enjoy beauty. On the left are the rolling Caribou hills, and to the right is the exceptional view over the bluff of jagged mountains either glowing or silhouetted by the sunset. There is so much to take in along the journey, the drive flies by.

On this day, I was sad. I put on some sad tunes and was enjoying the time to be with my thoughts and music. As I pondered where this sadness was coming from, a song that I know by heart began playing. I thought, wow, this song is so sad. So many people have so much sadness in their life. Then, it struck me why I was sad. There was a fear growing inside of me, the fear of allowing myself to feel happiness in that moment. 

Happiness is not something that many people usually fear, but this day I was afraid to feel it. I thought the person I was going to see would easily be able to take it from me. How sad it is indeed, to allow someone else the power of my happiness. The moment I became aware of the fear, the dark clouds began to open up to the blue skies of my mind and the song I was listening to changed from heavy to beautiful.

This isn’t an entry on “perspective” or about “your life is what your thoughts make it.” It is about how easy it is to be reactive. How it is possible to easily slip into dependence or investing our happiness, joy, or whatever good feelings we have on someone/something else rather than looking inward to establish a solid foundation of being able to hold onto it as our own.