when in doubt choose forward motion

The year 2010 was a year full of discovery, transformation and extraordinary personal growth. I recently returned from a 7 day retreat which provided me with the time and space for a much needed reflection. At some point during the retreat, I recalled a conversation my mother and I had last summer. While enjoying a lovely summer evening walk, she looked at me and asked, "So Audra, what are you doing?" Surprising myself with a bold response, I stated, "I am learning how to be selfish in a healthy way."

Being selfish in a healthy way for me entails going out and discovering what I love to do. Real quick let me define love in this context. Love- a verb that pulls me out of bed in the morning and sustains me through the day. It encourages day dreaming and ridiculousness, letting my heart be filled with the joy, compassion, openness, and passion of being completely and fully myself. These loves are what will keep me healthy, fulfilled and alive regardless of my city of residence; whether it is a new perspective on life, learning to be still, experiencing a fantastic new recipe, working an incredible job or reading great book.

As of now, I do not know exactly what my future holds, and I am not quite sure it is good for any of us to believe that our future is guaranteed. But as I continue on my road to a place of peace for yesterday, today and tomorrow, I look forward to the next adventure with excitement, wonder and zealous curiosity. Now, as I have recently left my 8 - 5 job, I am quite frequently asked what I am doing, or what I would like to be doing. The truth is, I do not know exactly what I am doing, even though my bucket list keeps growing bigger. The response to my mom's question stays constant and has become my reply to inquiring minds.

The truth is I do have a few ideas running through my mind which range from going to school to become a dietitian (or holistic health counselor), spending time working in Spain or Alaska, to starting a business (hummus & mountain bars), to tree planting in BC, or raft guiding on the Salmon River. All of these sound absolutely fabulous, which is the trouble. And can be a bit intimidating when I sit down and attempt to figure my life out. Luckily, just the other day I stumbled upon a phrase that stuck with me about this very subject, "When in doubt, choose forward motion." I like it and it seems quite fitting, and exactly how I would like to enter the new year.