'molasses cookies'

(photos are from a day trip to the Salt Cathedral, built in salt mine)
A lady in the office, Maria Pilar, enjoys coming into my office to chat. Last week it was discovered we both have a love for cooking/baking. Once this came out, the treats started... Tuesday it was a milkshake (quick side note, if you want to taste the worlds best milkshakes, come visit), Wednesday she brought me a piece of apple pie, Thursday, an arepa. First, I told her she needed to kick the habit of bringing me things to eat because my stomach really was not built to hold so much and second, I would make her chocolate chip cookies. That was until I discovered her favorite were ginger aka, molasses cookies which is fantastic because those happen to be one of my favorite cookies also. Well the adventure starts here...

After translating the ingredients and researching the difference in high altitude baking I set out on my mission. First task was finding the ingredients: ground cloves, ground ginger and cinnamon, plus molasses, HA! Right. I might as well have ridden an elephant into the store asking for the isle where they kept the penguins. I was able to find fresh ginger, whole cloves, and something roughly translated as burnt sugar, which their version of molasses. I returned home to no measuring units but to be expected and easy to deal with.

Next surprise: Myriam has NEVER, EVER used her oven, never. I wish you could have seen her reaction when I asked about making cookies. She just kind of blankly stared at me, realized what I had said, repeated it, and then said, "The oven? I don't know if it even works." We figured it out after many attempts and coaxing the heat source to stay lit. Long story/evening short cookies were eventually produced, although they don't taste quite like molasses cookies, I succeeded in my first attempt at baking.

Halloween is celebrated here. Kids dress up in costumes and trick or treat at the stores and malls, all day long. They were so cute wandering around in their costumes, playing in the plazas. With the coming of Halloween I began to miss the delicious smell of fall. On Friday, when I left the office just for a moment I caught a whiff of fall. The crisp, damp, cool and somewhat smoky smell in the air, I absolutely love it (how nice would it be if you could send smells like this in a jar). My mind may have been playing tricks on me, whatever it was I am not complaining.

Oscar was doing really well and was supposed to come home last week but he began retaining fluids and had to go into the ICU. Now that that is under control, he has developed bronchitis. With one complication after another, I am impressed with the strength Myriam seems to be pulling out of some secret box of infinite reserves.

Myriam gets frustrated at times with this situation she cannot control and there are moments filled with such heaviness for the love of her life. Yet she accepts it, faith has not left her and she still finds time to laugh and enjoy. By no means is it easy but the attitude Myriam has is real and honest, and she does not blame. It is as if she is really able to see beauty, wherever she goes.

trust ambiguity.

After my grand adventure in Medellin work seems especially slow. Work is slow in part because the Bishop, and the Secretary, Pilar, are both out of town for a week which leaves not much to do in the office. To pass the time I've begun exploring the world of Spanish music via the internet and finding whatever I can that explains the different verb tenses in Spanish. As I was trying to figure out some Colombian localismos a member of the congregation came into the office and offered to help me with my grammar. Yay, I will begin spanish lessons soon!

I talked with Pilar about what they had intended for me to do here and why things were moving so slow. She said the idea was for me to work with the mission that I visited in the south a few weeks back, helping with the kids in the after school program. She also explained that the Bishop is the one with the idea of what I will be doing but with a combination of him traveling so often, trying organize everything with the priest of the mission, making sure I know the city well enough to get there safely on my own, and just being the typical way the office runs, things are just slow to happen. Ok.

I've been following my fellow missionaries blogs and have made a few other non-colombian friends who are doing some incredible things. Hearing about the projects they are or have been involved with fills me with ambition, inspiration and a little bit of envy. It has also really made me think about what my 'mission' here in Bogota is. Up to this point I feel like everyone else is giving/serving while I am trying to graciously recieve in every way I know how to but I do not feel like I am giving/serving. So what I am I doing here? I know it is something, which sounds obviously, obvious.. Maybe the more you try and figure something out the further away it slides so a good idea would be to trust more in ambiguity, have faith, just be, and live conciously.. Oh I don't know really, but when it comes to the end of the day, I am thankful and happy to be right where I am. It is not always easy but this is exactly where I want to be: feeling safe and loved.

love is real, real is love

Oscar is back in the hospital due to a bacterial infection in his brain, they had to go back in and clean everything out, they removed part of the bone in his forehead because the infection was so bad. I am at loss of words after an 8 day adventure in Medellin, and returning to find out Oscar is back in the hospital.

Medellin is a beautiful city with a pleasant climate and incredibly generous people. I am blown away by the giving nature of the people here, they still have so much love to give after living in/through difficult times. Colombia has struggled with corruption, drug wars and drug lords causing the displacement of people, unemployment, deaths, disappearances of loved ones, it has caused such turmoil and pain for the people of Colombia, and all they have been through they give so much of themselves and take pride in the beauty of their country. As a friend said, “We can talk for 20 minutes about all the bad things about Colombia and then carry on for hours talking about all the beautiful things.”


The church in Medellin, San Lucas, runs a preschool during the weekdays, which I was able to help by reading stories in English, helping in the nursery, and playing with the kids, ducks and bunnies. When I pulled out a camera to snap some photos, the children took the camera hostage, fascinated with taking pictures and getting the instant results (I've posted some photos). They loved hearing me talk, just saying their names in English was the greatest for them and great fun for me.

What I had the most difficultly with, aside from the slurred speech and beans at every meal, was their generosity. They work so hard, long hours, they don't make much but they insist on paying for things, were willing to take a day off, or fit in any time they could to spend with me showing me the city and still felt like they weren't attending to me well enough. When I tried doing dishes or helping they responded by saying, "please let me attend to you." All they wanted to do was give; it was overwhelming, humbling, and beautiful. Allowing someone, anyone to give what they can and then in turn being able to receive it graciously without immediate action was difficult.

As I was listening to "Love" by John Lennon on the plane ride home, I thought a lot about my experience, and what I could to with these feelings of being overwhelmed. How to pay it forward and live love. I thought about the difference between the power of love and the power of fear and what they can do to a person depending on which we choose to invest in. Here are the lyrics for Love:

Love is real,
Real is love
Love is feeling,
Feeling love
Love is wanting
To be loved.

Love is touch,
Touch is love
Love is reaching,
Reaching love
Love is asking
To be loved.

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be

Love is free,
Free is love
Love is living,
Living love
Love is needing
To be loved.

And the crowd goes wild!

Rock climbing has been a great way to clear my mind and invest my body in something completely different and absolutely physical. It keeps my heart healthy and my biceps lookin' good... It also has been a great social outlet. I've met some fellows from Britain and one, Cameron, has taken it upon himself to really immerse me in Colombian culture, beginning with a game of futbol (aka soccer).

Colombia vs. Paraguay. The stands are solid yellow with splashes of red and blue (Colombia's colors) the fans go wild, they jump up and down, (how they get and sustained this enegry I do not know) they shake their hands in sync with their vulgar chants, it was pure madness and absolutely amazing. Even though Colombia is terrible at futbol, the stands were packed and the fans were devoted. On the big TV billboard, they do not do instant replays or show the game, they advertise beer, beautiful beer models and other futbol games. They had about 100 policemen, dressed in black, with plastic shields strategically placed around the field for crowd control.

Being the first 'missionary' with the Episcopal Church in Colombia is working out to be a lot of 'just being.' Observing and absorbing the different missions around the area. They want me to see everything they have worked so hard to achieve with the Diocese, they are so proud. Many of the planned visits do not end up working out due to communication, or weather. Patience is difficult and I am working on trying to find my own balance within this experience. It takes a lot of strength, faith and confidence. I feel as if I am growing more personally than I am giving, and am hoping this will balance out over the year.

I still do random translating for the Bishop, and try bulk up my Spanish vocabulary. On Thursday(10/16) I am traveling to Medellin, 'City of Eternal Spring and food that sits in your stomach like a brick.' Apparently the food is pretty heavy and they have strongly advised me to take Alka-Seltzer. On the bright side the climate is just lovely with an average of 70 and sunshine. I will be staying with a Padre and his family in Medellin, visiting different churches, missions and tourist sights. I am so excited.

My Brain is Growing

Maria Pilar just came into my office shared 3 peanut M&M's with me. M&M's were never a favorite candy of mine with the exception of the peanut butter filled ones. It took me by surprise how satisfying those 3 M&M's were and I realized how much I missed chocolate...
Point #1 peanut butter in candy doesn't exist here, I have yet to see even a jar of it on the shelf in the store, and a stash of chocolate is necessary to the life of Audra.

Last night I walked home from the office all by myself! This may not sound like a big deal but it really was. My coworkers and host family have gone out of their way to make sure I know the routes and feel safe. On my 10 minute walk from work to home I pass bakeries, 1 huge grocery story, a handful of armed police officers, and about 9 pet stores(just on my block).
Point# 2 I so very much appreciate their concern for my safety but realizing I could stop in any one of the stores without asking was a mini high.

My host dad is now back at the apartment. Whether he is improving or stagnating, I am not sure of what to tell you. Physically, he is healing, walking better, his hair is growing back, he cracks jokes once in awhile. As for being himself, he still isn't, he has trouble remembering some things and his personality is still off, the doctor says it will take around 3 months to fully recover. His 10 brothers and sisters, plus cousins, aunts and uncles have been here every day, talking with him, helping my host mother, it is incredible. Please continue your prayers for him and the rest of the family.
Point #3 Faith is keeping my family going, the love, the memories, each other, and the numerous people from community who come to give their love, support and time. I am at a loss of words for explaining my thoughts and feelings here.

Point #4 everything all in one:

• Mailing information!!! DO NOT send packages regular mail, unless you send it now, there is a chance I might get it before I leave. Send packages with Fedex or DHL, usually takes a week and everything arrives in the package. and make sure you include peanut butter/caramel/mint chocolate of some sort
  
• In order to get a visa I have to leave the country, not having a visa makes taking language classes a challenge, and I am not sure if I will actually get a visa.
  
• I am beginning to miss things about the northwest. Homemade jams, fresh apple cider, the changing of seasons, being able to access nature, mountains, bodies of water safely within a 30 minute drive, familiar live music, and microbrews...