See beauty, wherever you go...

moosin' around

2011-10-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

The sunrise woke me up as its soft glow reflected over the small lake. My brain slowly started adjusting as I remembered where I was… at the homestead in Big Lake, Alaska. The thought of getting out of bed this particular morning was not easy.

This Sunday was special; Kaitlin and I were going to help Bruce butcher the moose he shot the previous week. Getting a moose is a an exciting event, so aside from my thoughts about how terrible butchering the moose was going to be, I was really excited for Bruce.

I took my sweet time eating breakfast, but eventually, Frances, Kaitlin’s grandma, caught on to us, or at least me (not sure about Kaitlin) avoiding the moose chopping action and said, “are you guys going to sit around all day or get to that moose?” We had no choice… off we went to the garage.

I drug my feet out to the garage; quite literally, I drug them through the golden leaves.

Seated at the table with knives in our hands and hindquarters hanging from the beams, Bruce gave a brief explanation of how to cut up the moose before he abandoned us. There was a bowl for the roasts, a bag for hamburger meat and another for sausage, and unwanted pieces would go to the dog mushers.

At first, I was unsure of how to slice and dice, but once we got going, it was great! We cut our way through the afternoon with Prairie Home Companion in the background. I was surprised how much I enjoyed myself. Putting time and energy into food that we would eventually be eating was really cool. And knowing no part would go to waste was even better.

Growing up, my parents always placed an importance on knowing what was in our food, where it came from, and not wasting it. Our backyard was always producing something exciting, whether it was fruits, vegetable or compost. My mom would make everything from scratch, and I can still hear my dad lecturing about reading the labels on food. It took me a few years to before I fully appreciated or understood what they were trying to convey. (I will confess, in elementary school I used to trade my homemade cookies for cheetos and oreos:)

So sitting in the Valda’s garage, cutting up moose meat reminded me of how easy it can be to separate ourselves from the source of our food or even the preparation of it. I like sitting down to eat and knowing I am eating food that is good for me, and I made a small contribution to the meal.

Alaska = AK = Audra Krislock

2011-09-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

My last few weeks in Alaska were jam-packed. Work on the dock slowed down leaving more time for exploring. Kaitlin was determined to take me to Homer. And Kaitlin being the determined lady she is gets what she wants. We made two trips down!

Although, the two trips were very different, they both were a blast. We ate our way around town, trying all sorts of delicious food, meads and wines, played Frisbee on the beach and had a glorious time getting more than just our feet wet in the cold, salty ocean. The first trip the day ended with us being kicked out of a restaurant for sending the food back, but it ended up calming down as we drove into the glowing sunset and reminisced about the beautiful day.

The second trip down completely melted away any bitterness I may have been harboring. Gabe, Kaitlin and I took a boat across the inlet to the magical Halibut Cove. We ate at the only restaurant in the cove, the Saltry. It was beautiful. The meal we ordered was so tasty, we asked for a second! Our cheeks hurt from smiling over how happy we were.

The next weekend we made the long drive up to Fairbanks. What an awesome trip! The views were spectacular the entire way and the mountains are so grand and breathtaking. If you ever make the journey, I definitely recommend getting a chauffer so you have the freedom to safely stare in awe out the window. My favorite mountains were through Denali Park and the ones just before we got back to Anchorage.

On the way home from Fairbanks, we stopped by the homestead. This is where Kaitlin's grandmother lives, on a large amount of land just outside of Anchorage. The gorgeous log house sits right at the edge of a private lake and no neighbors can be found for what seems like miles. We fell asleep in the guest house as the stillness of nature surrounded us. Bruce woke us up early the next morning, upon our request so we would have time to paddle boat around the lake.

This summer was wonderful for the simple fact that I didn't do much aside from be completely present in the moment with what I was doing. The feeling is so liberating. Experiencing yourself exactly as you are, right now, with no reservations or concerns about the past or future is wonderful. I loved it. I love the laughter and the friendships, and the memories I will keep close by.

2011-08-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have hardly had any time to sleep between work and adventures, but I have no complaints so far.

On the fish front, this year has been one of the best years for salmon that they have had in a long time. I think it's the highest run maybe in history, which means lots of work! Aside from dealing with fish at work, I've also been out fishing in Kaitlin's back yard a few times. Catching the fish definitely takes some skill, but it is fun watching the fish swim right up by your feet and jump inches from the pole.

Last week at work we spent over 24 hours straight off loading boats. It was so much fun! I like working hard until my body feels like it cannot do any more, then taking a hot shower and falling asleep. I enjoy working on the docks with the fisherman and the other fellows. I started out as the tally girl, but have bounced around trying to learn as much as possible. I've driven the fork lift, the truck (one of the crazy big ones) with a boat trailer, the skiff, and worked on the sorting tables. The work is hard with long hours but it doesn't seem to get to me. The work is intense and I get so focused that I often forget about the cold dusk or the slimy fish.

One of my favorite parts of working on the docks has been watching the midnight sunset over Kenai. It casts a magnificent glow over the mouth of the river and the snow covered Mt. Redoubt across the inlet. The sunsets are breath taking. As the sun sets in its beautiful way, I rotate just a little bit to watch the moonrise over Soldotna. A few weeks back when the full moon was up, it looked so close I wanted to reach out to see if I could touch it. Then within a few hours of almost darkness the sunrises and a fresh, new day begins.

None of what I am doing is anything close to what I could have dreamed of. I've tried wrapping my mind around my experience here, but haven't come close to finding words. I always thought it was cliche when people would tell me I was having the experience of a lifetime, that I would never forget. When a fisherman said that to me the other night, I realized he was right. Ever since the day I got here, I have felt at peace and full of joy. I think a part of it has been being willing to experience any opportunity that come my way, without expectations or reservations. Being open has allowed me enjoy being present in the moment I am in, with the incredible people I am with.

hali-booty fishin!

2011-07-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

The morning started early around 6:45 am, as Bruce, Brett and I raced out the door to meet our ride. A friend of Kaitlin's family has a fishing boat and offered to take a group of us out. Normally, halibut fishing on a charter costs quite a bit, so everyone was obviously pumped for this opportunity.

There are so many fisherman on the Kenai Peninsula in the summer, it can be absolute chaos. In order to evade the complete madness that comes with launching a boat, we arrived early to the launch. Once we were at the launch, the boat was unhooked from the truck, attached it to a tractor which then proceeded to pull us down a super steep, and wet hill, then backing us up into the ocean.

Fishing was a blast! Everyone was excited and happy to be out on the ocean and we caught lots of Halibut! The seas were calm and the sky was overcast; perfect for spending the day on the boat. Bruce was the first to catch a fish, it all happened so fast. Within the first 10 minutes of having his pole in the water he was reeling something in. I was shocked when all of a sudden he threw it back into the water because it was too small. It looked huge compared to the fish we get from the lake back home. However, after we started catching the bigger fish, I understood what a good size halibut was.

The guys explained to me the basics of dropping the weight to the bottom and letting it drag until you feel a bite. At first, I thought every time the weight hit a bump on the ocean floor I had a fish and I would get excited and start reeling it in only to find my untouched bait. But, I did catch on pretty quick after everyone telling me that I would definitely be able to tell if I had a bite, or a fish. And then before I knew it I was reeling in a halibut! Talk about a work out, those guys are heavy and reeling it in 150 feet takes awhile. I thought for sure I would loose the fight to the halibut, but I was victorious! We got it on deck smacked it and stuck it in the hold. The day continued on like this, and we ended up catching our limit and going home happy.

Aside from the fabulous fishing adventure, I appreciate being a part of the Vadla family. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend the summer with such an incredible and loving people.

fish tales and scales

2011-07-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

Penny and I have been discussing the different job options I could do for the summer, ranging from construction to waitressing. By Wednesday we had a pretty good list going, and Thursday we were planning on going out on the hunt.

Wednesday evening for dinner, we took a drive down to take Robert, Penny's nephew, some pizza. Robert works down at the docks in Kenai. He moved up here when he was 18 and lived with Penny for awhile. While we waiting for Penny and Bruce to bring the pizza, Kaitlin, Brett, Robert and I sat around chatting as the smell of BBQ wafted up from the grill below.

I am not sure how it came into the conversation, but Robert mentioned that there were a few positions open on the docks. They were in need for fish pitchers; the guys that get down and dirty. Sorters, folks that know the difference between dog salmon and red, and a tally girl. "You have to have a brain for this job," Robert said, "that's why we call it 'tally girl'. The guys we get on the docks aren't always all there in the head." Perfect, I said sign me up! I was willing to pitch fish, learn the species or tally. I filled out an application and Thursday morning found out I would be working that evening as the tally girl.

The evening began around 6 p.m. and ended around 2 a.m and this is how it played out. First, everyone begins to trickle in, grab some coffee and guess about how well the fisherman did that day. We stand around and wait for the boats to arrive, then... action! The pitchers head down to the lower docks and pitch fish into a huge bin attached to a crane. The crane lifts the bin and weighs it. As it gets weighed in midair, fish slime falls through the holes in the bottom of the tote and covers the pitchers. The number gets shouted up to me to record. The fish then are dumped onto a long metal table and sorters sort the fish by species. Anything that is not a red gets put into a different bin. When the first bin is dumped on the table, I run over to check the temperature, color, texture, odor, eyes and scales. This process repeats until the boat is empty.

The bin of "off species fish" is then broken down by species, e.g., pink, dog, king, dolly, etc . . . After the fish are weighed, one of the sorters brings over the bucket of fish slime that drains off of the sorting table and weighs it too. All of these weights are subtracted from the original number of the red bins. I stand next to Tom, the crane operator, protecting myself from the flying fish slime and take in everything.

I love the intensity that fills the salty, damp air when the boats come in. The fisherman stand awaiting anxiously, watching the bins fill up, wanting to know their numbers. Everyone is works hard and has a blast. Even when things got busy, the sorters had enough patience (or were very amused) with my eagerness to learn about the different fish species. Toward the end of the evening, the action slowed and the boats became less frequent. The chill off the ocean became apparent, but the breathtaking sun set at 1 am was had us all standing in awe. I think I am going to like this summer.

eat, hike, sleep

2011-07-10T15:17:00.001-07:00

Last Sunday, after getting our fill on Papusa's and Arepas at the Forest Fair, we put on our hiking boots and headed up the North Face of Alyeska. The views, as I am sure you can imagine were spectacular, and the closer we got to the summit the more spectacular it became. I started out on the hike stopping to take pictures of each new glacier that appeared at every switchback, however, as we neared the top my heartbeat quickened, as I realized I was hiking on a double black diamond, in my little green hiking boots, on a trail that was two feet wide with slippery, slushy snow. Breath, Audra, Breath was my mantra. Thankfully we all made it to the top in one piece and enjoyed some tasty food and pistachio ice cream YUM!

<- view from Alyeska
Monday was spent in the quaint town of Seward watching Kaitlin's brother, Brett, run the Mt. Marathon race. This mountain is 3,022 feet in elevation and goes straight up from sea level. Standing on the street looking to the top, the mountain looks like it is cut in two pieces, the bottom half is a lush and beautiful green. The top is a stark contrast of brownish gray rocks. People run up this mountain and basically fly back down! Brett's goal was to do the race in less than 1 hr 45 min and he finished in 1 hour and 5 minutes and placed 100th out of 390. This was his first year, I was very impressed.

gumby chasing birdman at Mt. Marathon race ->
After the race, we made it to our final detestation; Kaitlin's home in Soldotna. Their house is in town, but feels like you are in the middle of nowhere. You hardly know they have neighbors, Penny has a lovely flower garden, their backyard is the river and the wildlife that wanders through could care less about humans. I've already seen more eagles, rabbits, and moose than I can count on two hands. I love it! Hopefully, by the end of the summer I will see a wolverine (and I'm not talking about Hugh Jackman).

on the road (and the ferry)

2011-07-05T00:28:00.001-07:00

We made it to Alaska! The drive up was absolutely beautiful, the mountains, the wildflowers and the sunsets have been absolutely amazing. We drove through British Colombia to Prince Rupert where we boarded the Matanuska. The ferry goes up what is called the inside passage along the coast of AK with untouched mountains littered with forests on either side for miles and miles. Most of my time on the ferry was spent on top in the solarium in awe of the spectacular views. The air was refreshing and misty and the people camping out up there had great tales of adventures.

We hopped off the ferry in Haines, Alaska, where we met up with one of Penny's friends Tish and Dana, who retired on 43 acres of beautiful land. The farm was awesome! Tish gave us tour around the gardens, chicken coops and cabins. Before the tour she let out 4 baby goats, 2 mamas and 1 hermaphrodite. They were adorable as they followed us all around, jumping off logs, enjoying munching the greenery, and jumping in our arms.

After the farm, we continued on our journey. A few highlights along the way: randomly finding a Canada Day BBQ with free burgers and cake, chasing sunsets, stopping at Tickleberry's for ice cream and lot's of fudge, eating breakfast on the beach in Osoyoos, not being able to find a hotel under $200 at 10 o'clock at night, screeching the car to a halt and reversing on the highway to take pictures of a black bear, grizzly bear and lots of moose.

My two travel companions, Penny and Kaitlin are absolutely incredible. Penny can start a conversation with anyone she meets, in the cafeteria, stopping to take pictures, or in the hamburger line. She loves adventures and one always seems to find her, or maybe it is the other way around. While on the road she refused to let Kaitlin or I drive any part of the trip so we would be able to fully enjoy the scenery. Kaitlin has a love for life and learning. Her curiosity makes friends with anyone she meets and she shows no fear when it comes to learning something new.

Plans for today: visit the park for some live music at the Forest Fair, and then a hike up Mt. Alyeska for spectacular views and delicious food at Seven Glaciers Restaurant.

North to Alaska

2011-06-25T08:21:00.001-07:00

(picture of Kaitlin and I)

Today, Kaitlin, her mom Penny, and I will pile into her Rusty blue Toyota 4 Runner. It is packed so full of stuff that has accumulated over the past 6 years by Kaitlin while she attended school at Gonzaga to make the trek back up to her homeland - Alaska. All of us including many who are not riding in the car, are hoping and praying the 4 Runner will make it up to Alaska. Alaska? Yes, Alaska. Where did Alaska come from some of you may be wondering?

While Alaska has existed for quite some time, it has only been on my ‘absolutely must visit’ list for a few years. When Kaitlin, tore her ACL in a skiing accident and ended up staying with my family while recovering from knee surgery, she suggested I hitch a ride up to Alaska with her and her mom. And I said, “Okay!”

As I prepare for this trip I could not be more excited for the anticipation of what will come on this unexpected and spontaneous adventure. I do not know what to expect, in fact the only things I know about the next 6 weeks: it takes 24 hours to drive to Prince Rupert where our Ferry leaves from on Tuesday. I will be staying with Kaitlin’s family in Soldotna. There is a 25-mile bike loop near their home. They have waders for salmon fishing in the river. Penny does hot yoga. And I have been taking lots of vitamin B to repel the mosquitoes. It all sounds better than awesome to me. I like everything I’ve heard and I love Kaitlin and her mom.

I am so thrilled for this experience and a little hesitant. Generally, when I become really excited about the future, my imagination gears up into overdrive and I become attached an expectation of what I think it will be like. This is cause for trouble, as it tends to lead me down a path of disappointment if the event does not live up to my expectations. This time I have decided to try something new- being nothing but fully present in each moment as it comes. That is what I am most looking forward to and that is exciting in itself. I will keep you updated along the way.

*A little footnote I am pretty sure my parents named me Audra because it was the coolest name that began with ‘A’ and would be the perfect alliteration for ‘Adventure with Audra in Alaska. How is that for the use of the letter A? And my initials are AK… haha, I am done.

spring. break.

2011-04-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

I remember being in school as a kid absolutely loving spring break. Spring break was a time of such excitement; it felt so fresh and freeing to have a reprieve from school. I loved piling into the car with the family to head out to the lake cabin. We would spend the week prepping the cabin for the summer use, gathering the fallen debris that had accumulated during the long winter months. All bundled up, dodging ticks and trees, my siblings, our dog, Kristi, and I would run up and down the hill along the shore, getting into everything we could find, exploring all we could. Playing for hours on end came so easy, stopping only for lunch.

When I think about these adventures, it evokes strong emotions of those cool damp days. We would use a pocketknife to sharpen the tips of our trophy hot dog roasting sticks as we warmed ourselves by the roaring fire. Each one of us kids was always convinced we had discovered the best "coal oven" for cooking, we would dance around the fire pit trying out each one as the gray sky would smile down on us with spontaneous rays of sunshine. After the hot dog cook off, we would make ourselves sick on marshmallows, trying to make the perfect s'more.

I cherish these memories and every time I smell wood burning it transports me back to those days. What I loved most about spring breaks at the lake was the time we had to be together as a family and completely indulge in our imaginations. It was so nice to have the time to be renewed not only with family, but with God through nature and relationships. Still to this day when I am in need of renewal and some face time with God, family and nature are where I go and on days like today, I remember spring break.

when in doubt choose forward motion

2010-12-17T19:52:00.000-08:00

The year 2010 was a year full of discovery, transformation and extraordinary personal growth. I recently returned from a 7 day retreat which provided me with the time and space for a much needed reflection. At some point during the retreat, I recalled a conversation my mother and I had last summer. While enjoying a lovely summer evening walk, she looked at me and asked, "So Audra, what are you doing?" Surprising myself with a bold response, I stated, "I am learning how to be selfish in a healthy way."

Being selfish in a healthy way for me entails going out and discovering what I love to do. Real quick let me define love in this context. Love- a verb that pulls me out of bed in the morning and sustains me through the day. It encourages day dreaming and ridiculousness, letting my heart be filled with the joy, compassion, openness, and passion of being completely and fully myself. These loves are what will keep me healthy, fulfilled and alive regardless of my city of residence; whether it is a new perspective on life, learning to be still, experiencing a fantastic new recipe, working an incredible job or reading great book.

As of now, I do not know exactly what my future holds, and I am not quite sure it is good for any of us to believe that our future is guaranteed. But as I continue on my road to a place of peace for yesterday, today and tomorrow, I look forward to the next adventure with excitement, wonder and zealous curiosity. Now, as I have recently left my 8 - 5 job, I am quite frequently asked what I am doing, or what I would like to be doing. The truth is, I do not know exactly what I am doing, even though my bucket list keeps growing bigger. The response to my mom's question stays constant and has become my reply to inquiring minds.

The truth is I do have a few ideas running through my mind which range from going to school to become a dietitian (or holistic health counselor), spending time working in Spain or Alaska, to starting a business (hummus & mountain bars), to tree planting in BC, or raft guiding on the Salmon River. All of these sound absolutely fabulous, which is the trouble. And can be a bit intimidating when I sit down and attempt to figure my life out. Luckily, just the other day I stumbled upon a phrase that stuck with me about this very subject, "When in doubt, choose forward motion." I like it and it seems quite fitting, and exactly how I would like to enter the new year.

big hearts

2010-10-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

(Stacy and i trying to stay warm)
I am inspired by the beauty of generosity... there is something so special and unique about it. Generosity is one of those gifts that enters into your life, and makes you feel so inexplicably good. This is on my mind because of a recent trip my sister and I took to Ecuador. Aside from our quality and hard core sister bonding, we spent a lot of time with family and friends. The trip was beyond anything we could have dreamed up.

(Stacy, Jose, Jose, and Juan)

A high school friend of Stacy’s and the family (The Monges who I lived with 5 years ago) played a huge part these amazing two weeks. The Monge’s took Stacy and I everywhere from a party bus around town to the Amazon without thinking twice. We were given rides from one end of the city to the other, in and around town so we won’t have to pay the cab fare, or potentially get lost. Everyone selflessly gave of their time and energy to connect us with anyone they knew in the country, making sure we got to experience the richness of Ecuador.

(the car got stuck on the hill)

I am still in awe of the love I felt, and the long list of things we were able to pack into a short 12 day stay because of the gracious generosity. The days raced by and were not nearly long enough to squeeze in everything. However, regardless of the race against time, it did not diminish the value of each cherished moment we shared with our dear friends and family. And we did not leave in regret of what did or did not occur.

(a little girl in one of the native communities)

One of the great mysteries of life is how everything (a vague word, I know:) all comes together. This recent trip once again reminds me of how important it is to challenge ourselves and explore the unexpected, to trust ambiguity and to have faith in others, ourselves and in God. I absolutely love and find joy in the small reminders that cause us to shift our vision beyond our own immediate surroundings in the small radius of what we see and call “our world.” When we are able to look up and recognize the moments that allow us to be touched and to touch others. It is in these moments, I can feel life becoming so real, so alive that I can taste it. When this happens I stop and think to myself, how could life be any more beautiful.

let's let us just be, whatever it is we are

2010-06-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

9 months ago I was in a damp basement apartment, trying not to panic. There I stood staring at my bed, which had been completely taken over by all my leftover stuff. Meanwhile my suitcase laid innocently on the ground, bulging with the weight of my belongings. I imagine the suitcase felt something like the feeling you get after a delicious Thanksgiving meal. When you are packed to the brim with food. And just when you think there is no way you could possibly eat any more, out comes the pie. Of course, you make the challenging decision of trying to squeeze just one more slice into your already aching stomach. That is how I felt as I purged many of my personal affects so they could be replaced with bits of Colombian culture. Not only were my bags overflowing, my mind was as well, with my hopes of my homecoming. I foresaw myself back in the states, with a few days to unpack and visit the cabin. Another week or so would be devoted to finding a job, and then my plan was to hit the ground running in order to visit every person and congregation who had helped me to accomplish my mission. Now, reflecting on this 9 months later, I agree, I was a bit crazy and was being a tad unrealistic.

Now as I gaze through the window, drifting in and out of reality on the way to work (FYI I'm not in the driver's seat), the logical part of me is saying that with the excitement of the new season, the changing colors, temperatures, and adventures I should not have quite so much time to get lost in my meandering thoughts. But the truth is, I do, and I love it. I love being able to have time to reflect, and allow myself to feel the beauty, joy and sadness that makes my time in Colombia feel so rich and uniquely my own. But I also love being right here where I am, in this moment with the memories of my past, the possibilities of my future enriching where I am in the present.

What I did not take into account was the overwhelming gratitude I felt for those of you who gifted me and my family with the loving words of encouragement, the donations of time, money, kind words, and hugs. I completely disregarded myself, and the time needed to process and recover. Time to be and to absorb what I had experienced. And to be present in the process. I didn't allow myself to experience this, to really live into what it was. I believe that sometimes we try too hard to protect ourselves from everything (This is something I am especially good at). When in fact we should be letting ourselves just be present with what we are experiencing. Not trying to hide feelings and emotions, but to acknowledge them for what they are.

Not crazy for wanting to share, to try and give back in anyway I felt I could. But rather for getting carried away with trying to predict where I should be which had absolutely no relation with where the reality would be. I was overflowing from my core, full of my passion and love for Colombia. Although this made it easy to have high expectations of what I thought I was capable of accomplishing, it did not allow me the time I needed to transition into where I was.

thank you for tuning in.

2009-11-17T10:30:00.000-08:00

(Dancing at Bishop Duque's birthday party with Angelique Duque)
Sitting in my kitchen with CNN Spanish radio in the background, I reflect on my return home from Colombia and how I have thought about and have very much avoided writing this blog. Many friends, family and veterans of travel tried to warn me of the intensity of 'reverse culture shock' during re-entry. With this forewarning, somewhere between preparing to leave Colombia and arriving home, I came to the conclusion that because I was aware of the 'shock phase' I would be immune to it. The first two months, aside from the denial, I had a difficult time with most everything, unaware that I was smack dab in the middle of reverse culture shock, with no map, which greatly intensified the challenge of re-entry.

(Running down the hill attached at the hip with Angie and Lina)
My Colombian experience was incredible, full of emotions, generous, loving people and many moments that I am still processing and hold close to my heart, which makes it difficult as the days pass and my experiences/memories from Colombia feel more like distant dreams. Thoughts that once were completely in Spanish have made the transition back into English. I have grown accustom to things that were at first a surprise, or even seemed a bit ridiculous such as a full shower head of hot water with pressure, toasters, drive thru's, a heat source that came out of something larger than a blow dryer, bus stops- where buses actually stop, and a vacuum cleaner that doesn't smell like an electrical fire.

(My birthday celebration, Oscar, Abdon, Evita, myself, Dr. Santos, Bishop Duque, and Laura-Catherine)
As these differences become less obvious (less noted), I find myself reminiscing about the different stages of my journey. The first month or two while in Colombia, on the rare occasion I was on my own, without my host family, or someone from the office, I had such a myriad of feelings; the excitement and thrill of an adventure, and the panic of being a bit overwhelmed when surrounded by folks I hardly knew and barely understood. With frequency I questioned myself and God wondering if was there a breakthrough coming, some point where I would be able to have a conversation beyond what country I was from and why I was in Colombia? The hours I spent watching movies, rapidly scribbling vocab on scraps of paper, or intently studying flash cards and talking with people, with Maria Del Pilar, who challenged me to read an article then discuss it with her, were not futile. All of this helped tremendously as conversations gradually grew longer and more in depth.

(The first photo taken while in Colombia with Rodrigo, Myriam and Oscar)
My first few weeks in Colombia, my amazing brothers helped me through the language and cultural barriers, speaking to me in Spanish, then, just before my brain was on the verge of a massive vocabulary explosion, they would switch over to English. Anytime someone asked them questions about me, while I was standing right there, they would say, "she is my sister and you can ask her the questions because she speaks Spanish just fine." Tears well up as this seems like years ago, back to the time I was living day to day, so present with Myriam and Oscar as we all dealt with Oscar's brain surgery.

(Felipe and Padre Antonis)
With so much to process, it feels like I am sorting through reels and reels of film in order to create an award winning documentary. It is the creating that is most fun but also the most time consuming and challenging. It is titled See Beauty, Wherever You Go, it is absolutely fantastic, just flat out awe inspiring. There is laughter and joy. There are tears and aching hearts. The viewers get a taste of Colombia, the immense beauty and richness of the people, the grandeur of the country, and the quality of their life that makes them want more, makes them want to forget about all of the negative news, changing hearts and minds alike. Leaving the theater feeling inspired, just as I was.

(Stacy and I visiting Bryan in Seattle)
Clicking though hundreds of photos trying to decide which few to post is difficult. Seeing photos of those who went out of their way to show me their country, the food, cities, teaching me to dance and welcoming me with patience, wonder and hospitality. So many wonderful and generous people who opened up their hearts and graciously shared their world with a stranger leads me to wonder, how will I take all I have learned with me to where I am going next? This is a bittersweet transition, I miss Colombia, just the same, I am so happy to be home.

(Three boys watching adults talking in Cartagena)
I do know that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I will always have these memories. I can open them up like a book, and remember. It won't be all at once, but for years to come I will have my memories of Colombia, and that is enough.

the goodbye

2009-09-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Getting off of the bus, feeling like a shaken can of soda, walking up the steep hill while dodging stray dogs and arriving at the quaint little church building, ringing the doorbell, hearing the children in the background rustling around, shouting excitedly wondering who is on the other side of the door felt surreal, as if I were walking around in what I had dreamed the situation would be like… The door to the mission is opened. Kate and I are hit by a wall of emotion and love, the children shriek with excitement, "Profe, Profe!" as a stampede rushes to greet us with open arms, hugs and kisses, "I've missed you," they say as they swing from my neck and squeeze at my waist. Excited, with a sly look in their eyes, they question, "Are we going to have English class today?... And after class and we learn lots of English, can we go play outside?" For them this is just another day of English class and playing in the streets, while for me, I try to keep from wearing my sad heart on my sleeve.

As Kate and I make our way upstairs for lunch I pray that it will not be chopped liver or Mondongo (cow stomach). Thankfully it was rice, pasta and an egg sunny side up. I introduce Kate to Padre Jose, his sister Clemencia and the children, explaining as much as I could about the mission/the routine hoping that she wasn't overwhelmed with all the information I was passing on. After lunch, I introduced Kate as my replacement, a few kids asked when I would be back, why and where I was going, why I wasn't staying, and if that would really be the last time I would see them, and they hounded Kate with another million questions. They were so excited to have Kate there, I could not have prayed for a better goodbye.

learning to expect the unexpected

2009-08-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

(photo of a street in Quibdo)
I want to start this entry with giving thanks, giving thanks to God for this life, for these experiences and these wonderful gifts that arrive in the most unique and unexpected forms and to all my friends and family who have touched my life is so many incredible ways. And also to nature with all of its beauty and grandeur that never ceases to amaze.

I just returned from Quibdo, a trip I was so excited to take. I was anticipating spending time with a priest I thought to be incredible and have an experience that imagined would blow me out of the water. And it did, just not anywhere close to how I had imagined in my head it would play out.

(photo of a professor, Padre Edison, myself and a eager English student at the university)
I was trying to keep my attitude afloat and have as many positive thoughts about this trip as possible, although I was having difficulty transcending out of my funk. The first night was rough, sleeping under a mosquito net, in what felt like the most hot and humid place on the planet, which did not start me out on the right side of the bed the next morning. Then to be led around town presented to just about every person in the city as here to teach English, threw me off a bit.

My attitude began to even out as we began teaching English at the grade school, at the college, any friend of Edison's we met on the street, after the church service and with the soccer team. As the hours passed each day the more people we were meeting and the more welcomed I felt, everyone was so kind and I found sulking in my funk difficult. Staying with Edison and his wonderfully, delightful family, his wife with one of the lightest and most jovial spirits I have encountered, and his son and daughter, taught me more than I could have hoped.

(photo of meat and fruit in a store)
What really took me by surprise (blew me out of the water) was the encounter I had with personal boundaries in Quibdo, which are much different than those I grew up knowing. The personal boundaries I grew up knowing were basically classifying things, stuff, people, time and space with the concept of "yours and mine." Well, in Quibdo this isn’t quite the case, ‘personal space/boundaries’ aren't really understood in the same way I had understood them to be, the mentality isn't 'yours and mine' as much as it is ‘ours.'

The first time I experienced the boundary breaking I was a bit thrown off. Then I put myself to thinking about where this right, this sense of entitlement comes from? It seems to me that when we begin seeing things in this dimension of ‘mine and yours’ we become more defensive with our ‘possessions,’ slowly separating ourselves from one another and become exclusive with our sharing. If you have something good, why not share it, why not be excited to scatter joy and goodness, rather then hoard? Changing my state of mind has made a huge difference, realizing the more we divide ourselves into 'yours and mine,' the further we grow apart, the less we see this is ours, our place, our world to live, share and be together.

life in the bat cave and beyond

2009-08-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

A pipe in the building broke so our water has been a bit temperamental the past few days. Last night we had absolutely no water, this morning from the sinks it came out as a bit of a trickle (we don’t get hot water in the sinks, there is only one knob and it’s the cold one), and the shower was a weak stream of scalding, scalding hot water. The way our shower works is if you turn the single knob on full blast you get very cold water but fantastic water pressure and if you barely, literally barely turn the knob you loose the pressure but you get warm water. Which is what I usually opt for, then end up running teeth chattering and all back to my warm bed. The pipes are in the process of being fixed, which works out to be perfect timing as we are leaving town for a few days...

Today my morning began a bit earlier than it does on a normal “work in the office” day. Laura-Catherine and I are heading to Quibdo, Chocó and of course there are all those last minute errands to run on the list, and hopefully I’ll be getting this blog posted with as few typos as possible.

I know very little information about Quibdo. When I visited Medellin back in October I attended Padre Edison’s ordination, Edison is the priest in Quibdo. I remember being a little intimated by this over 6 foot tall Spanish speaking man until he came up to me after his ordination. His kind voice and welcoming manner instantly put me at ease. He began practicing his English and helping another shy kid to practice his English with me also. It was just what I needed; I could throw in the bit of Spanish I was confident enough to use and was more than happy to help them with their English.

Padre Edison invited me to visit him in Quibdo that night. I felt a connection with him and was surprised that even though I was nervous and a little unsure of my Spanish that didn’t really matter, sometimes language has nothing to do with understanding nor communication. When I returned back to Bogota, I explained to Pilar that I wanted to visit the priest who was ordained in Medellin as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I already had other trips planned and my budget would not allow it and eventually this dream drifted to the back of my mind until…

Diocesan Convention in March we met up again! After spending the weekend with him and getting to know even more of this incredible person, this time I decided of everything I want to do before I leave Colombia, visiting Padre Edison is number one on the list. So it is finally happening today at noon we get on the flight to go visit a part of the country unlike any other. What I do know is the government of Colombia has very much neglected department (a department is similar to a state in the US) it is very impoverished and humid. I'll be back in 10 days. With love.

10 incredible months and two more to enjoy

2009-07-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to attend the Episcopal Church’s General Convention in Anaheim, California a few weeks back. Since returning to Bogota I have been digesting my experiences during convention and in Colombia. After a few days away from Colombia I returned feeling revived and inspired, especially after having had the opportunity at General Convention to share with others what Colombia is like. So aside from learning a great deal about the Episcopal Church, what really struck my heart was an overwhelming emotion for the United States and Colombia. The interest people in the states took in wanting to learn and be open about Colombia, offered hope that the perception of this greatly misunderstood country is changing one person at a time.

While in California I was asked many of the same questions I was asked before I left for my mission last September. Is it safe? The church wouldn’t send you somewhere that dangerous would they? What about all of the drugs and the cocaine in Colombia? And the guerrillas? The FARC? Aren’t you afraid of getting kidnapped? Before setting out for my mission I wasn’t exactly certain how I should be answering all of these questions, so I tried my best to respond with the little information I had educated myself with through the internet and stories of other travelers, hoping this would help bring some peace to my friends and family.

This time around when it came to answering to these same questions I was able to answer with honesty and experience. I was able to share all of the knowledge about this country I had; how incredibly hospitable, loving and kind everyone is. How wonderful, diverse and rich in culture this country is. And when you arrive in Colombia you will feel like you are living in a different world, not because everyone speaks a foreign language or because the food tastes different, but rather because of how the people will make you feel, welcomed, loved and cared for, stranger or not.

paint.

2009-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

A few of the latest additions to the apartment are a lamp, light coverings, a bathroom rug, a luxurious cushioned toilet seat, a violet plant and robins egg blue, a lighter version of Robin’s egg blue and mint green walls. One of these days I will capture the beauty of this recent transformation the apartment has been subjected to, it is definitely something to share with the whole wide world.

Painting was a task bigger than we had anticipated, not because painting was a new experience for us, or the walls were huge or there was tons of detail to fill in, but for reasons having to do with the end result of the colors we ended up with. The colors on the paint chips were nothing even remotely close to the colors that ended up on our walls.

Just so we are all on the same page, revamping the apartment is something that Laura-Catherine and I have been talking about for awhile and to finally have in all of the proper supplies ready to go, we were almost unstoppable. There were four of us painting, three rollers and a brush, we all started in different rooms hoping to be efficient, conquering the entire apartment all at once, which actually ended up creating more work rather then less.

The color I started with turned out to be a decent green, I was happy and just kept right on painting. It wasn't until I stepped out of my own little world for a minute to take a break that I saw the robin’s egg blue in the breakfast nook(adjacent to the living room), then I checked the hallway and was struck by the bright mint green. I didn’t even try and hide my disappointment, or dislike for the new 80's remodel. Fortunately for us, the two colors least aesthetically pleasing colors matched, and the decent green was the one that clashed. After discussing this "minor issue" we settled on painting over the decent green by adding white to the breakfast nook color and painting the living room with that. The decent green was salvaged for our bedrooms, it was a bit dark for the size of the rooms so we added some white to lighten it. It has started to grow on me and matches the sofa so it isn't all that bad.

taking time to remember to remember

2009-07-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

My inspiration for blogging recently have been on the lower end on my motivation scale. Unhappy with this, not understanding why, and trying to type up something that made sense for a blog entry was extremely frustrating and got worse the more I tried to reason with myself, the more I tried to figure ‘it’ out, literally the more I tried to force it, the worse it became. Many hours were spent typing gibberish, deleting, retyping and reading other blogs in search of anything, any small seed of inspiration I could get to grow. My goal was to have something posted last week, but Friday came around and still not luck, still no blog.

Then came Saturday, a gift from God. I had the entire day to myself and it was just wonderful. My family called in the morning from the lake to wish me a happy 4th of July, I found comfort in the warm blankets of my bed, movies in English, drawing/sketching and making my own food. I did not leave the apartment nor did I talk with anyone aside from the necessary, polite saludos. The day was perfect for catching up on my thinking, relaxing and just being with myself and God. This day reaffirmed that I need to provide myself with days like these more than every so often.

Sunday Padre Alberto picked us up early for a day at his parish in Bosa (the outskirts of Bogota). Laura-Catherine and I stepped out of the taxi on to the unpaved road and into the church with the tarped walls, dirt floor and patched tin roof. At the end of each service we introduced and explained who we are as missionaries and people and what we will be doing to help with the mission. Before I go any further, a little about the mission we will be helping with in Bosa: it is called Operation Rescue, created to rescue the children from the streets and from the television while their parents work literally from sunrise to sunset, if not longer leaving the children home alone before and after school.

We spent Monday, the opening day at the mission, as well. I am left inspired and at a loss of words. These two priests, Alberto and Alejandro have had a dream of starting a church and a mission like this, for who knows how long and have dedicated their lives to achieving this. About 2 years ago they were able to start regular church services in Bosa, and various other locations around Bogota, 7 services, 2 priests. Another thing you should know is that it is rare that a priest gets paid enough to live on which usually leads to many part time priests and a full time something else, lawyer, professor, police officer, etc... Alejandro and Alberto live solely on the generosity of the parishioners, which in some areas of the city is hardly anything. So to live off of this, support a family and build a mission from the ground up is very difficult, and very incredible.

What moves and inspires me above all of this is the dream, the passion and the love they live. It reminded me that it is not always easy, in fact more often than not dreams are difficult to achieve, but living and believing in them, in others and in yourself is what makes dreams come true.

times they are a changin'

2009-06-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

The apartment Laura-Catherine and I eat, sleep and shower in is in the garage of the cathedral/office building. Our office is an elevator ride away, the rock climbing gym is next door and the Sunday service is just up the stairs. The oven we use is just next door in the social hall. In our deluxe apartment we do have a cute little two burner stove, with an ‘oven’ attached to the bottom which is currently not functioning (you can see in the photo to the right). This actually works out to be manageable using the oven next door due to the fact that even if our oven did work, it is not quite large enough for my baking endeavors and there is not quite enough space for a 'real' oven in our little closet of a kitchen.

We recently traded in our over sized 10 person table for a nice little 4 seater and are in the process of finding a toilet seat that fits the commode. This past weekend we went to Home Center picked out two pleasant complimentary shades of sage green and a nice blue green accent for the stark white walls. Once the paint colors were mixed, we realized that some things in life should not be taken seriously, as we came back with a nice watered down mint green color, a festive bold/brighter green and 'blue/green' which turned out to be a bright green with a tint of blue. Smile, yes smile and think happy thoughts, wonder where they got the paint codes and hope the walls will look semi-decent.

On other updates in the world of Colombian mission: last week a parent of one of our children talked with Laura-Catherine about not wanting her children playing in the street due to the danger of the passing traffic. So when break time came around the next day we tried playing in the dead end just around the corner. The children were pretty upset and we received loads of complaints such as: the hill is steeper so the ball will run away, there is more of a danger of windows being hit by the soccer ball and the area is much smaller so playing options are limited.

Ok, brain storming time, we put on our thinking caps just as Padre Jose walked into the room and quickly discovered the empty hill of a lot next to the church is available for use. Perfect! He took us to the lot and we discussed long and short-term possibilities; beginning this Tuesday with the clean-up part of the project, getting rid of the grass, weeds and other hazardous articles. Then comes the digging, shoveling and hauling of dirt to level out the base of the hill to develop a soccer field and garden. Our hope original hope was for the children to help us with this project, in between the English classes which would get them out of the street, still be able to play while enjoying and inventing in the production of this dream. Well, one minor detail dampened our hopes: there 3 week summer break starts on Monday, BUT do not fear it wasn't completely snuffed, because after presenting the idea to the kids and trying to save our bleeding eardrums from their screams of joy they agreed to come help during their break!!

change and compassion.

2009-05-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

My brother, Bryan, arrived in town Wednesday 5/11 and left early Thursday 5/14 morning; a quick and action packed trip. After Bryan had a chance to recover from the day of traveling and altitude change we headed to the climbing gym, explored the culture of the city by visiting the town center, markets, malls and museums. On Saturday we were able to get out of the city and hike around Suesca, just an hour outside of Bogota, (where I had my first real, outdoor rock climbing adventure a few months ago, incredible- once I got over my fear of heights). Bryan was so willing to try everything I ordered for him, and it was great fun sharing the Colombia I have grown to love, the food, the sights, my family and friends.

The director of the Young Adult Service Corps came for a visit to talk with the Bishop, Laura-Catherine and I about how we can move forward with the mission program with the Diocese of Colombia.. Of course, we are very excited to be a part of this process, paving the way for the future of missionaries in this beautiful country, with this incredible diocese. We are now working at the mission 3 days a week and are slowly finding other ways we are able to get involved in, there is so much potential it is just finding where we fit in.

One thing I love about the Diocese of Colombia is the importance they encourage for social outreach projects. The vast majority of parishes have a some sort of social outreach project that are involved in, for example Laura-Catherine and I help with the mission at Padre's Jose's church where they provide lunch to children and food and housing to elders who have no place to go. They also occasionally put families for a few nights who have been displaced by the war. Another church in Soacha, just about an hour outside of Bogota. With the help of Trinity Wall Street, has constructed a church and is now in the process of building a clinic above the church, to work with and attend to people with HIV/AIDS. The list of incredible people doing incredible work goes on and being involved and a part of the church here, seeing and experiencing first hand, people helping people, reaching out within a local community is something to be inspired by. I do realize this is something that is happening all over the world, not just in Colombia, as I have experienced with my local church in Spokane. What I am getting at is the joy, hope and deepen of faith it brings me to hear and witness this stories of compassionate humans.

the bus.

2009-05-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

Riding the bus home from the mission has become a favorite activity of mine, aside from having to fight off nausea and the bus drivers who have the idea in their heads that they are actually driving a racecar instead of a 48-passenger bus; I enjoy the world and culture the bus cultivates. A wide variety of vendors ask the drivers permission to share the stories of their lives, sell candies and other sweet treats or the musicians who want to play a sweet melody.

Last week, I was dosing in and out of consciousness when I received a friendly tap on the shoulder from Laura-Catherine, (we both usually end up sitting one in front of another so we each can enjoy the window seat, which we are convinced is a remedy for our motion sickness), she motioned with her eyes to the harp player who had just lugged his extremely large instrument over the turn stile and into the crowded isle of the bus. The moment he began to play the normal hustle and bustle transformed into a calm and enjoyable atmosphere, as we all together, escaped our own thoughts and worlds for a few moments as we listened to the unexpected beauty the harpist gifted us with.

finding my balance

2009-04-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

My mind and heart have recently been weighted down with thoughts and questions as my relationships with my Colombian friends deepen and the children begin opening up. I wonder about how far would I go, what would I do in their situation, especially with such limited options and/or resources. Would you lie to save your child’s life, or your spouse’s life? To what extremes would you go to keep your child out of the war with a 70% mortality rate? How would you react when you find out it is a well know fact that a child is being beaten? How far do you jump into life and relationships when you know you will be leaving? All the way, or do you hold back for the sake of someone else? Does that defeat the purpose of what we make life out to be? How would you deal with racism that has been deeply embedded in a culture for hundreds of years? What do you do when you know fear is the cause of injustices that occur? How much...

These questions I don’t have the answers to and maybe I don't want the answers and just thinking about them is enough. But I often go back and forth between what I would do in a similar situation or if there is something more I should be doing right now with my time here. I know realistically being here, loving and listening is sufficient but I want to do more. It is difficult and heart breaking to know that I want to do so much more; to completely give all of myself, all of my resources and energy but not knowing or seeing how to, not wanting to do more damage than good.

When I say not wanting to do more damage than good, it is because I have heard so many stories about do-gooders coming in from other cultures to try and ‘help’. Changing and helping, and hurting. Unfortunately, as wonderful and kind-hearted as we can be, we can also do a lot damage by coming in with ideas and money from our own cultures about what the standard of life should be and how to achieve that. (don't get me wrong I am not completely in disagreement with helping and aiding those who are less fortunate, we just need to be very careful in how we do this and how we use our good intentions). When we begin comparing our lives to the lives of others, coming in, trying to "fix/improve lives," when we begin thinking about what makes our lives comfortable and that others deserve this also. Each life is so unique, and life is relative to the person living it, the cultures in which it is lived, so that comparing becomes destructive.

the sun.

2009-04-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

It is sunny today. It is so wonderful to see the sun after so many days of rain. Rain is wonderful and cleansing. I enjoy the cozy feeling it inspires, the repose that comes over me. Just as I love the sun, it lightens the soul and warms the spirit. It may just be my imagination but everyone seems a bit cheerier in the office today. I claim it is the sun, the surplus of vitamin D, you just cannot help but feel good.

just love, thats all for today.

2009-04-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Laura-Catherine and I were just about to head out to catch our bus Tuesday evening, after an exhausting day of playing with the kids at the mission, when a sudden downpour delayed our departure. Not thinking to grab our rain jackets before heading out that morning left us sitting in the office with Padre Jose to wait out the storm. My first thought was I am tired, I just want to start the 1 1/2-bus ride home, but two minutes into our conversation my inspiration picked up and I was ready to talk for hours about all of the possibilities and potential with the mission.

Padre Jose shared about the challenging lives of the children, the economic and social situation of the neighborhood and how much love and touch the children lack in their lives. When the children's parents arrive home after working all day, they are either too tired, to drunk or abusive to give these children the love they need. These children just want to be loved and held, to learn and to play. Watching them interact with one another and with us, seeing and feeling the family the after school program at the mission has created makes you realize how important family and friends are, and how important it is to love.

I spent the bus ride sorting through my surplus of thoughts and memories of my first visit to the mission back in September. Padre Jose came to pick me up to spend a day with him at the mission. The city whizzed by and I tried with difficulty to understand what he was explaining to me about the children I would be working with, the mission, the city and something about a very happy church service with singing.

After what felt like an eternity of creeping up the hill in the little twingo car we arrived at the mission; located pretty deep into the south of the city, on the steep Andean mountainside where the weather is harsher and the view of Bogota is spectacular. The buildings are crumbling and tightly packed in, potholes are the size of small ponds and any open terrain is littered with trash and stray dogs.

Meeting with the kids that afternoon blew me away. They asked questions about my family, hot water, what my life was like, if I arrived on a plane and when I would be coming back. I understood about every fifth word they said, and had to try and decipher the words I did understand between their giggling fits. We played soccer in the street and I fell in love.

Some days I don't feel as if I have the energy to teach, to try and come up with ideas that will help the kids to focus, fighting my own thoughts of how much the children should learn, how much progress they are making or if they are even getting what we are teaching, but the moment the door opens to the church and we are bombarded with open arms and smiles from the kids, all of these anxieties melt away. Just being there and loving these kids is enough.

storytime.

2009-03-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

I’m not one much for details of events but I am very much a proponent of telling stories. This is my version of Trying to Get my Visa story. And it begins this summer, before embarking on my grand adventure to Colombia. I did the research and hunted down the necessary paperwork I needed in order to get a temporary religious visa. With this magic visa, I would be able to live and work as a missionary for one year, in Colombia with little or no hassle.

Well, unfortunately the paperwork did not arrive before my departure in September. So goodbyes were said to friends and family in Spokane, I took a deep breath as the plane prepared for take off and I tried slow my thoughts of the worst-case scenarios of what the Colombian customs and border patrol would be like without the visa but a return plane ticket for May. Thankfully going through customs was a breeze. One the other hand, trying get my visa during my first few weeks in Colombia was much more of a challenge, something similar to hiking a glacier while hauling a cart of rocks, no snow tires but 25 pound ankle weights strapped to each ankle (that may be a little dramatic). Pilar and I quickly discovered that I must leave the country in order to obtain the visa, and without the temporary religious visa, I must return to the DAS office every 60 days to pay a tax and get a stamp. After 6 months of this I must leave the country for a few days, return to Colombia to do this all over again.

Well, as fun as this was, I had the opportunity while in Ecuador with my mother to get my visa. I talked to of all my people, got all the necessary documents, applications and photos, and headed to the Colombian Consulate in Ecuador. After trying to decipher what the Ecuadorian lady at the front desk was saying in English (since she absolutely refused to speak Spanish) I discovered that because one of my documents said volunteer in place of missionary I could not get the missionary visa, or the volunteer visa.

I blocked the visa from my mind and enjoyed the rest our time in Ecuador. Once back in Bogota, came the task of figuring out what to do next; fly to Atlanta or return to Ecuador to get a visa, or just stay on my tourist visa. After many thoughts and prayers, I decided to head to Atlanta for attempt #3 of getting my visa. I decided on Atlanta because that is where Laura-Catherine was able to get hers in just a few hours with the same paperwork that I had attempted to get my visa with in Quito.

Cristina, the daughter of Myriam and Oscar, and her family warmly welcomed us to Atlanta. It was so wonderful to be able to meet and share time with family, so loving and kind. They dropped us off at the Colombian Consulate and after about an hour of waiting and stressing about all the ‘could-be’s and what-if’s,’ my number 31 was finally called. Once at the window the lady asked me how she could be of service, standing up straight, I confidently said, “I am here to get my visa.” Response, “oh a visa, you didn’t have to wait all this time, just head to that back office.” After the woman in the back office looked through my paperwork, asked me a few questions, mumbled a few uh huh's and da, ta, da's, ten minutes I walked out smiling with my visa in hand. Insert victory dance here.

THE END

the journey

2009-03-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

Growing up comes with lots of questions, realizations, revelations and discovery. Growing up is life. It is living life and discovering yourself with in your own experience. At this time I am trying to find a balance between the realms of doing and being. I have days filled with passion and clarity while other days I feel confused and in search of patience. I wonder about what my mission is, why I am here, being aware that this is exactly where I need and want to be, but having struggling with seeing what the effect is while I am right in the middle of this all. Right in the middle of this experience that is my life. It will come; I am learning to have patience with all these questions, patience in knowing that I will live into the answers.

Laura-Catherine and I are on somewhat more of a consistent work schedule that is still pretty unpredictable. One long weekend a month we go to Cali to work the group of young adults that have started working on various social projects and are interested in continuing with service work within the Episcopal Church on a national and international level. One Saturday a month we teach English in the mornings to a wonderful group of members of the cathedral here in Bogota, following the English class, we participate in a philosophy and theology class for another few hours.

On Thursdays and Fridays public transportation helps us find our way into the south of the city and up to the a mission to teach English and mentor children from 6-13 who have no where to go once school lets out. They come to the church (the mission) for lunch and help with homework. Last week we had a blast teaching them the “three sharp toothed buzzards” song. A soccer break in the middle of class was a fantastic break, but apparently just because I am three times the size as these children goals do not count if you pick up them up in order to kick the ball into the goal. I suppose this means I will be doing soccer drills in the church parking lot. These kids are incredible, more thoughts about them will be coming soon, I am sure of it.

2009-02-23T08:55:00.000-08:00

I am back! After spending the past eleven days in the coastal town of Cartagena, it feels quite nice to be back in Bogota, to be home. Pondering what to write has felt a little overwhelming as a rush of memories and insights flood my thoughts. I’ve decided to give a brief recap of what these past few weeks of my life have been like, although I suppose that is the point of this blog anyhow. This entry will be a touch bit longer, it is two in one- special of the day.

Having my mother come experience a part of Colombia, a part of my life here was amazing. To be able to show her around, explain the city, the culture, the people and have her know a part of my experience and have it become an experience that is now apart of her life was an amazing gift. Saying goodbye at the airport was surreal, the apartment felt empty without her presence.

Luckily I didn’t have too much time to dwell on her absence as two days after her departure, we jetted off to the beautifully picturesque and humid Cartagena, where were warmly welcomed by the parish priest and his family. They were incredibly helpful and generous especially with the fumigation of our room, feeding us broth and carrot juice while we were sick, and making plenty sure we knew where we were going.

After our first few days in Cartagena we met up with an incredible group of people from the Diocese of Connecticut (the companion diocese to Colombia). For the past 3 years they have brought a group down from their diocese making it possible to maintain a relationship with the churches in Colombia. We visited many of the parishes on the coast, helped host a radio show, met a group of ex-gang members trying to get their lives back on track, saw communitites of displaced families who have built their homes out of palates and tarps around the mounds of trash and mucky rivers.

It was inspiring to meet people who have such different and unique life stories; bringing on a fresh perspective to my thoughts on Colombia, on my life, on mission work and beyond. With this experience in Colombia, I have found myself many times at a loss of words, wanting badly to express my feelings and my experienced moments hoping you will get some small grasp on what life is like here. My difficulty of expression comes from the extremes I have seen, the extreme poverty and injustice but also the love, kindness and respect people have for friends, families and strangers. Trying to process it all and then articulate it. Big task.

I feel as if the second part to my mission has begun as work begins picking up pace. The first part was important to my understanding of this country, to understand and learn the patience of life and the importance of being with people just as much as the second will be. Now we are on the fast track after a visit to the doctor this afternoon we will be scheduling trips to different dioceses and parishes within and around Bogota while exploring the city with new friends. New photos are up check them out!

chicken dance

2009-02-03T13:49:00.001-08:00

Connections, perceptions and observations, all the while hoping not to end up like this poor chicken feet up in a bucket. A compilation of our memorable moments in a nutshell...

The happy birthday song on repeat for the duration of a flight from Bogota to Quito by a man enjoying the complimentary whiskeys while gushing compliments and questioning someones marital status. Sharing his thoughts on how beautiful we are and how Audra was not a good name for Audra, saying the name didn't fit her beauty. At the end of the flight passengers offering reassurance and admiration of our patience.

Arrival in Quito. The unknown, would we be picked up? Where to now? Plan B? Nope we only had a plan A. Conclusion: hugs, laughter, smiles. 24 roses on a 24th birthday, food, food and more food. Hot springs, exploring muddy back roads, enjoying the expansive beauty of the Andean country side, an old friend turned into an adventurous guide taking us to places we never would have imagined. City lights, broccoli fields, markets of meat, fruits, nick knacks and cleansing of the spirits- literally. Food being kindly offered and 'no thank you' not being accepted immediately leading to... just a little, little bit. Of course, their perception of 'a little bit' is a hearty portion similar to a meal size. Wanting to share all they have, plus a little more food on top of that. We'll be back.

The other half of the nutshell. Hello humidity. Hello Panama. Our bones thawed and the down vest and fleece jacket quickly found their way to the bottom of our bags. Taxis, shopping (someone's least favorite activity), the famous canal triggering memories of people long past, and a historic district with it's very own Casa Blanca. A hostel bed with a midnight, bed slat dropping mind of it's own and muggy adventures on a bus to paradise to reunite with an old friend. Shy smiles from little ones, mothers holding their children close, timid glances at the two sweating gringas, a young college student afraid to speak English as a fearless mother blunders her way through spanglish, exchanging emails and the wheels on the bus go round and round...

Paradise found in the form of Achotines... hermit crabs moving like leaves blowing in the wind. The ocean sounds and smells, early morning hikes and monkey watching, horses, exploring 'the ranch', orchards and knee tiles. Snorkling, puka shells and private beaches, feeding (not eating) yellow fin tuna, sundowners in the cabana, fresh banana ice cream, sunrise hikes and one last snorkel.

Goodbye paradise and back to the city, back to Bogota. As we touch down, out come the fleece and vest once again. A daughter that sighs happily and says this feels like home. What more could we want? Oh wait, after all that food, of course, the time must be found to head to the climbing gym. There she goes like a spider scuttling up those walls. Me, I settled back with a still full stomach and a book of Sudoku!

la pollita and her mother.
new photos have been posted: http://picasaweb.google.com/home

from a mother with love...

2009-01-28T16:01:00.000-08:00

I am sure that you would rather hear from Audra, mi hija, yet thought it might be fun to offer reflections of her during her time away.
After arriving in Bogota last Thursday night, it was fun to meet Laura Catherine and check out their apartment. I may be busy after we return to Bogota. It is wonderful that they have a safe place to stay - certainly helps from a mother´s point of view. As you know Audra is an amazing person who tends to develop relationships and cultivate love and respect where ever she goes. We stop and speak with the guards and all of the people working in the office. All conversations are antimated, with lots of expressions. It is a gift to be here and to listen to her. My limited spanish, with comprehension beyond my ability is a challenge, yet the positive, caring attitudes are unmistakable. There is love, laughter and joy all around.
Oscar and Myriam joined the rest of the office for a birthday celebration with cake and wine in the office Friday. It felt right at home and could have been Bishop Waggoner laughing and taking photos. Salud. We dispersed the gifts sent by Bishop Waggoner and of course cookies from home. Audra made sure that EVERYONE received something.
I do need to say that they will probably roll me off the plane when I return home. It feels as if we are eating all of the time, such good food although my lack of exercise will show. It is good that Audra heads to the climbing gym which is right around the corner. No clue what I will do!
Returning to visit Quito and Audra's former host family has been incredible. As they have challenged my spanish, providing opportunities to speak and Audra´s as well. The biggest challenge seems to be the merging of the two languages, I completely understand how Spanglish came into being. Our visit to the Colombian Consulate was discouraging yet, perhaps a gift as well. They did not like the word ´'volunteer' and denied her attempt for a visa. We will see where this goes. Tomorrow we head out to Panama and a visit with my friend from high school. You don´t want to know how long that has been...please!
What a gift to be with loving friends who have opened their hearts and homes to Audra. As we continue on our adventure we will post photos and perhaps offer a mother-daughter reflection of a land that is beautiful beyond words, and people who have so much to offer us and all of creation.
Chow...

Golden Birthday

2009-01-21T14:47:00.000-08:00

These past two weeks are now finally catching up with me as I feel the rush excitement melt into exhaustion. Since Laura-Catherine arrived we have been all over the city, running errands, exploring, dancing, climbing and shopping. The down time we do have is usually spent prepping meals, washing dishes or finding a solution to a unique ‘apartment situation’ that has arisen. Today we had another early morning and now at 3 p.m., as I try to put these thoughts of mine into words, I find myself daydreaming/sleeping about my bed loaded with a think warm layer of blankets. Thankfully, my squeaky and somewhat wobbly office chair keeps me from drifting too far away.

Having a partner in crime (Laura-Catherine) to share this experience with has been wonderful. We have a lot in common, and we are really getting into the dramatic Spanish soap operas. Luckily, we enjoy a lot of the same foods, which makes shopping a breeze, most of the time. We can get a little carried away at the supermarket with wide selection of exotic foods, well actually it doesn’t matter if they are exotic foods, just food in general. We both love to cook.

About once a week I visit with Myriam and Oscar for Spanish classes, which mostly turn into conversations and story telling. I am surprised with how quickly the time passes, mostly being surprised by the fact that we are conversing with such ease in Spanish. I can now get through quite a bit of the conversation without having to stop and question a word and it feels so, so great. Now, I just need to work on a few things that get lost in translation, like my ‘sense of humor’.

Quick introduction for those of you who have not had the divine pleasure of meeting the wonderful and lovely Evita Krislock, she is my mother. Now that formal introductions are out of the way, I can share with you that in one day she will be arriving here, where I am, just a few degrees above the equator, in the majestic mountain setting of Bogota… Saturday we will zip off to visit friends in Ecuador, then on to sunny and scorpion filled Panama and only to return a week and a few days later to the beautiful Bogota. What an incredible birthday present, and I didn't even have to blow out any candles for this wish to come true. I'll see if I can get her to write a blog entry for a different perspective on a Colombian experience...

la vida nueva

2009-01-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

My brain is exhausted. I am exhausted. The speed of life has gone from a nice comfortable cruise of 20 mph to rapid 75 mph. Myriam, Oscar and I celebrated Christmas in Subachoque, returned to wash some clothes before we again left the city to Villa de Leyva where we spent a week over New Years. From there it was straight back to work where I began a grant for United Thank Offering, started packing up my room, and preparing the office and apartment for Laura-Catherine’s arrival. And since Laura-Catherine safely arrived Wednesday night, we have spoken about 10 minutes of English and about a million and one hours of Spanish as we run all over the city finding things to transform the apartment into a livable space. Monday, another national holiday, we finally had time to sit and relax for a few hours.

We have moved into the basement apartment of the church, our home. It is wonderful, a little cool temperature-wise but we’ve found that fresh hot chocolate helps take out the chill. Our thighs are growing strong due to the lack of a toilet seat, the cold showers help wake us up in the mornings and preparing our own meals with fresh fruits and vegetables is a definite plus.

I am discovering the deeper I travel into this experience, the more I fall in love with Bogota, Colombia. I am thankful for my experience these past 4 months, all that I have learned; the time I have had to become comfortable with the language, the people, and myself in another culture. Now that Laura-Catherine is here it is nice to have someone to share this experience with and it is transforming into a completely different adventure- nothing short of amazing. It is a mystery why and how some things work out they way they do. There are times where you are able to prepare yourself, prepare yourself for moments, for what will come next, for life, while others need to be spent embracing the mystery, trusting ambiguity, it is all just as rich.

holidays

2008-12-25T16:05:00.000-08:00

Oscar and I made brownies!! When I said we needed to add two eggs to the flour mixture he put in the two eggs, shell and all, into the mixing bowl, on top of the flour mixture, smiled and said, “ok what next.” It was a fun evening.

My time in Cali was bittersweet; the first few days were spent trying to hold back tears of frustration. The family I stayed with was not affiliated with the Episcopal Church and worked long hours. They, along with myself were under the impression that there was a structured plan for my being in Cali, which was not the case. Nobody wanted me leaving to venture out on my own and not knowing anyone, I felt imprisoned in the house with a television, my journal, and my thoughts.

After the first few days of my ‘perceived imprisonment’ life began to pick up speed. The people of Cali are so warm, generous and excited to share all that is unique to their city and their country and to show that there is so much more to Colombia than the world news portrays. I visited a few different communities in and around the city and every person/family I met was so hospitable and loving, generous and gracious, once again I am left speechless, full of love and lost in thought. I will be going back. (quick side note; no matter how hard I try I cannot escape that darn cow stomach soup).

One thought I would like to share with you is about how each and every one of us has been blessed with different gifts, it’s how we choose to make use of, accept and appreciate these gifts that forms our lives, our journeys. It does not matter where we are or what we are doing, moment-by-moment our journeys are formed and the wonderful thing is that they don’t require anything more than ones self, the belief in ones self.

The point I am trying to make is that we all have the potential to do amazing and noble things and crossing an ocean is not required. Living is living, being real is being real, honesty is honesty, giving is giving, and loving is loving, anywhere and everywhere on planet earth and beyond. You are the difference and you are your life.

travel!!!

2008-12-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

I am in an awful hurry as I had to sneak in one last rock climbing session before I head off to the Pacific coast to a city called Cali. A city in Colombia famous for busting some pretty rad salsa moves, and as I am told dancing in general. This adventure will be to fully experience the Novena(9th) nine days before Christmas which are celebrated with family get together and all sorts of other things that I will be sharing in my next entry.. In Colombia Christmas is celebrated on the 24th rather than the 25th. So I will return from Cali in time to spend Christmas with Myriam, Oscar and the rest of the clan in a town called Subecoche.

P.S. I bought a pretty awesome suitcase (as you can see in the photo) for $2.50 in the 2nd store the church runs and it is probably one of the coolest things I now own, and thought it fitting for this quick blog entry.

confusion and inarticulacy

2008-12-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

These two words have been the theme as I have been trying to type this blog for the past week, my attempts at simplicity are to no avail. It has been a very muddy while as I attempt to swim through my thoughts... and mind you, mud is not easy to maneuver in, let alone swim in.

I want to write about how there are days where Spanish comes easy and I surprise myself with the ease and fluidity of my speech while others I sound like a skipping record and people have to use all of their creative abilities to extrapolate any sort of meaning(it's fun for all).

I want to write about the frequent occurrence of grandparents being dropped off at the hospitals never to be retrieved again by their own children. Their children seeing them as a burden and disown them with literally nothing but the clothes on their back.. How heart breaking it is to know that one human being could do this another, especially their own parent. But how wonderful it is that others show such generosity and kindness by taken them in.

I want to write about the sadness I feel due to the corruption, lack of social services, injustice, deaths and missing persons caused by standing up for yourself, your home, your family and the numerous homeless children on the streets that sniff glue to ease the pain of being homeless, hungry and alone. And how incredible it is that compassionate people exist, people who see this suffering and because of it give what they can to help.

I want to write about stunning beauty of this misunderstood country and how it is just one of many misunderstood countries in the world. How I wonder what would happen if we all just opened our minds to be a little less fearful, a little less judgmental and opened our hearts to love and accept just a little bit more, what would happen?

I want to write about how life is about perspective and how perspective is reality. We each create our own perspective which in turn allows us to create our own reality. It is what we choose to see and believe in that shapes and forms ourselves, our worlds, our lives...

thanksgiving today

2008-11-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

Oscar has returned home which means Myriam will now be getting a full nights rest. Now it's story time...

On Monday I gave Myriam some brownies from the bake sale to share with Oscar in the hospital(his sweet tooth is almost as big as mine). Last night after Oscar arrived home, Myriam went out to run some errands. I was reading in my room when the banging of cupboards started in the kitchen. I assumed Oscar was just so overjoyed to be home he was nostalgically looking through everything, touching anything he could.

Well, that wasn't the case and within moments he appeared at my door very collected with his hands folded over his belly, very politely with an hint of serious concern in his voice, he stated, "Myriam told me that you made brownies, and well, I had one on Monday but I cannot seem to find the rest of them anywhere." How could I stop from smiling? I had to inform him that all the brownies had been consumed early in the week.
"Oh, I see. Well, what are the ingredients?" I listed the ingredients.
"That's it? When can you teach me to make brownies?"
"Saturday or Sunday I have time."
"Great, Saturday we'll make brownies together. Does the oven work?"
"Yes the oven works."

Today my office mates were determined to find turkey and mashed potatoes to celebrate Thanksgiving. We also found mini pies.

Today I learned how to belay rock climbing and teach Alice how to do a proper 'ocho' knot.

The sun is out for a few moments and I am so thankful to be here, learning all that I am learning, while being supported and encouraged by so many wonderful people. For all of this and all of you, I am thankful.

P.S. If you are not on my email list and would like to be, please let me know!

???

2008-11-18T06:26:00.001-08:00

Dance photos are up, click here to view: http://picasaweb.google.com/akrislock/Bogota#

Oscar was supposed to come home from the hospital last night and my heart sank when Myriam walked through the door alone. Every time Oscar gets close to leaving along comes another complication. The worst was a fall he had last week, causing much concern and now Myriam is spending not only her days with him, but nights also. Her sister-in-law helps out by taking a shift when she is able to so Myriam can run home to shower and take a quick nap. The few times I do see Myriam she shows me family photo albums while explaining each photo, telling me wonderful stories so full of love and life.

I am unsure of how to explain my thoughts so instead here are two quotes that come to mind, "tell me what is your plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver. And, "Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold." by Zelda Fitzgerald

Prom was great. Dr. Santos(my coworker) his wife's nephew was graduating from high school. The families of the graduates, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles all attended... In the hotel they had long tables set up with waiters serving drinks and appetizers and the majority of the people danced til the wee hours of the morning. The hotel was still packed when I looked at my watch for the first time surprised to see it was 3:30 a.m.

My date(Carlos) was an amazing dancer and was patient enough to teach me a thing or two. I picked up the dances pretty quickly and was excited that I was able to keep up until Carlos got excited also and started adding fancy footwork while explaining all sorts of things. I strained to hear him over the sub woofer we seemed to be dancing in and would focus so much on what he was saying that I would forget to keep my feet moving.

As my friend Alice and I were enjoying coffee hour at church this past week, they announced a bazaar this coming Sunday. Alice turned to me and said, "too bad we don't have anything to sell." Not sure if she was serious or not I found myself saying jokingly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "um, brownies." Well, Alice thought this was a fantastic idea, so we now have a booth of brownies and no bake cookies. Please do stop by if you'd like to buy some of the world's best baked goods, it'd be great to see you.

dancin' the night away

2008-11-12T05:56:00.001-08:00

I came to Colombia with an open mind and heart hoping to 'just be', not having too many expectations in order to get the most out of my experience. Thus with this in mind aside from the amount of love I have seen here, not too much has taken me by surprise until Tuesday...

Tuesday started off as one of those mornings... one of those that went like this: waking up was difficult as my body was exhausted from the previous days intense rock climbing session. I turned on the shower full blast to see my clothes hang drying and not so dry anymore; sock and underwear drawer completely empty. My eyes were too tired to put my contacts in, glasses it was and brushing my hair seemed too much of an effort so out came the hairband. My regular morning exercises seemed more fit for someone such as Chuck Norris rather than myself, so I figured why not move on to breakfast, maybe that would help.. . . until I poured orange juice into my hot chocolate. It's only 8 o'clock in the AM.

As I left the apartment the torrential downpour started which left me arriving fuzzy haired, soggy and groggy-eyed at work. I just wanted to sit at my desk peacefully and avoid the day, but no such luck. Pilar comes in to say, "we need to get you a dress for prom on Friday and your prom date will be here in a few hours to meet you so it won't be awkward at the dance." My thoughts at that moment were revolving around questioning whether or not this was reality or a dream? Prom? What? The end. I've given up trying to differentiate between the two.

It just so happens to be that it was reality and I am going to prom this evening with the cousin of one of my coworkers. His cousin isn't in high school but we are still going to prom? Is anything making sense these days? I'll just go with it.. Here begins the true adventure.

Dress shopping, hair, make-up, nails- it has no end! The prom being a 'cocktail prom' requires a fancy cocktail dress(silly me, if only I'd thought to pack one). Since I tend to be taller than the average female Colombian, half the morning was spent trying on dresses saying, "well you could wear that dress just don't bend over, or well, if you want to look like neon barbie that dress would work." Finally we found a nice black dress.

Now comes the hair, make-up, nails- I now look like a 90's rock star. After leaving the beauty salon all gussied up, I spent the walk home trying to contain my laughter. I could not keep a straight face to save my life and still as I type this it is difficult. It feels so nice to laugh as I think about my day, my week, Colombia and how everything unfolds. I will for sure be a salsa expert after tonight- oh how I love it here.. Happy Friday folks.

'molasses cookies'

2008-11-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

(photos are from a day trip to the Salt Cathedral, built in salt mine)
A lady in the office, Maria Pilar, enjoys coming into my office to chat. Last week it was discovered we both have a love for cooking/baking. Once this came out, the treats started... Tuesday it was a milkshake (quick side note, if you want to taste the worlds best milkshakes, come visit), Wednesday she brought me a piece of apple pie, Thursday, an arepa. First, I told her she needed to kick the habit of bringing me things to eat because my stomach really was not built to hold so much and second, I would make her chocolate chip cookies. That was until I discovered her favorite were ginger aka, molasses cookies which is fantastic because those happen to be one of my favorite cookies also. Well the adventure starts here...

After translating the ingredients and researching the difference in high altitude baking I set out on my mission. First task was finding the ingredients: ground cloves, ground ginger and cinnamon, plus molasses, HA! Right. I might as well have ridden an elephant into the store asking for the isle where they kept the penguins. I was able to find fresh ginger, whole cloves, and something roughly translated as burnt sugar, which their version of molasses. I returned home to no measuring units but to be expected and easy to deal with.

Next surprise: Myriam has NEVER, EVER used her oven, never. I wish you could have seen her reaction when I asked about making cookies. She just kind of blankly stared at me, realized what I had said, repeated it, and then said, "The oven? I don't know if it even works." We figured it out after many attempts and coaxing the heat source to stay lit. Long story/evening short cookies were eventually produced, although they don't taste quite like molasses cookies, I succeeded in my first attempt at baking.

Halloween is celebrated here. Kids dress up in costumes and trick or treat at the stores and malls, all day long. They were so cute wandering around in their costumes, playing in the plazas. With the coming of Halloween I began to miss the delicious smell of fall. On Friday, when I left the office just for a moment I caught a whiff of fall. The crisp, damp, cool and somewhat smoky smell in the air, I absolutely love it (how nice would it be if you could send smells like this in a jar). My mind may have been playing tricks on me, whatever it was I am not complaining.

Oscar was doing really well and was supposed to come home last week but he began retaining fluids and had to go into the ICU. Now that that is under control, he has developed bronchitis. With one complication after another, I am impressed with the strength Myriam seems to be pulling out of some secret box of infinite reserves.

Myriam gets frustrated at times with this situation she cannot control and there are moments filled with such heaviness for the love of her life. Yet she accepts it, faith has not left her and she still finds time to laugh and enjoy. By no means is it easy but the attitude Myriam has is real and honest, and she does not blame. It is as if she is really able to see beauty, wherever she goes.

trust ambiguity.

2008-10-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

After my grand adventure in Medellin work seems especially slow. Work is slow in part because the Bishop, and the Secretary, Pilar, are both out of town for a week which leaves not much to do in the office. To pass the time I've begun exploring the world of Spanish music via the internet and finding whatever I can that explains the different verb tenses in Spanish. As I was trying to figure out some Colombian localismos a member of the congregation came into the office and offered to help me with my grammar. Yay, I will begin spanish lessons soon!

I talked with Pilar about what they had intended for me to do here and why things were moving so slow. She said the idea was for me to work with the mission that I visited in the south a few weeks back, helping with the kids in the after school program. She also explained that the Bishop is the one with the idea of what I will be doing but with a combination of him traveling so often, trying organize everything with the priest of the mission, making sure I know the city well enough to get there safely on my own, and just being the typical way the office runs, things are just slow to happen. Ok.

I've been following my fellow missionaries blogs and have made a few other non-colombian friends who are doing some incredible things. Hearing about the projects they are or have been involved with fills me with ambition, inspiration and a little bit of envy. It has also really made me think about what my 'mission' here in Bogota is. Up to this point I feel like everyone else is giving/serving while I am trying to graciously recieve in every way I know how to but I do not feel like I am giving/serving. So what I am I doing here? I know it is something, which sounds obviously, obvious.. Maybe the more you try and figure something out the further away it slides so a good idea would be to trust more in ambiguity, have faith, just be, and live conciously.. Oh I don't know really, but when it comes to the end of the day, I am thankful and happy to be right where I am. It is not always easy but this is exactly where I want to be: feeling safe and loved.

love is real, real is love

2008-10-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

Oscar is back in the hospital due to a bacterial infection in his brain, they had to go back in and clean everything out, they removed part of the bone in his forehead because the infection was so bad. I am at loss of words after an 8 day adventure in Medellin, and returning to find out Oscar is back in the hospital.

Medellin is a beautiful city with a pleasant climate and incredibly generous people. I am blown away by the giving nature of the people here, they still have so much love to give after living in/through difficult times. Colombia has struggled with corruption, drug wars and drug lords causing the displacement of people, unemployment, deaths, disappearances of loved ones, it has caused such turmoil and pain for the people of Colombia, and all they have been through they give so much of themselves and take pride in the beauty of their country. As a friend said, “We can talk for 20 minutes about all the bad things about Colombia and then carry on for hours talking about all the beautiful things.”

The church in Medellin, San Lucas, runs a preschool during the weekdays, which I was able to help by reading stories in English, helping in the nursery, and playing with the kids, ducks and bunnies. When I pulled out a camera to snap some photos, the children took the camera hostage, fascinated with taking pictures and getting the instant results (I've posted some photos). They loved hearing me talk, just saying their names in English was the greatest for them and great fun for me.

What I had the most difficultly with, aside from the slurred speech and beans at every meal, was their generosity. They work so hard, long hours, they don't make much but they insist on paying for things, were willing to take a day off, or fit in any time they could to spend with me showing me the city and still felt like they weren't attending to me well enough. When I tried doing dishes or helping they responded by saying, "please let me attend to you." All they wanted to do was give; it was overwhelming, humbling, and beautiful. Allowing someone, anyone to give what they can and then in turn being able to receive it graciously without immediate action was difficult.

As I was listening to "Love" by John Lennon on the plane ride home, I thought a lot about my experience, and what I could to with these feelings of being overwhelmed. How to pay it forward and live love. I thought about the difference between the power of love and the power of fear and what they can do to a person depending on which we choose to invest in. Here are the lyrics for Love:

Love is real,
Real is love
Love is feeling,
Feeling love
Love is wanting
To be loved.

Love is touch,
Touch is love
Love is reaching,
Reaching love
Love is asking
To be loved.

Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be

Love is free,
Free is love
Love is living,
Living love
Love is needing
To be loved.

And the crowd goes wild!

2008-10-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Rock climbing has been a great way to clear my mind and invest my body in something completely different and absolutely physical. It keeps my heart healthy and my biceps lookin' good... It also has been a great social outlet. I've met some fellows from Britain and one, Cameron, has taken it upon himself to really immerse me in Colombian culture, beginning with a game of futbol (aka soccer).

Colombia vs. Paraguay. The stands are solid yellow with splashes of red and blue (Colombia's colors) the fans go wild, they jump up and down, (how they get and sustained this enegry I do not know) they shake their hands in sync with their vulgar chants, it was pure madness and absolutely amazing. Even though Colombia is terrible at futbol, the stands were packed and the fans were devoted. On the big TV billboard, they do not do instant replays or show the game, they advertise beer, beautiful beer models and other futbol games. They had about 100 policemen, dressed in black, with plastic shields strategically placed around the field for crowd control.

Being the first 'missionary' with the Episcopal Church in Colombia is working out to be a lot of 'just being.' Observing and absorbing the different missions around the area. They want me to see everything they have worked so hard to achieve with the Diocese, they are so proud. Many of the planned visits do not end up working out due to communication, or weather. Patience is difficult and I am working on trying to find my own balance within this experience. It takes a lot of strength, faith and confidence. I feel as if I am growing more personally than I am giving, and am hoping this will balance out over the year.

I still do random translating for the Bishop, and try bulk up my Spanish vocabulary. On Thursday(10/16) I am traveling to Medellin, 'City of Eternal Spring and food that sits in your stomach like a brick.' Apparently the food is pretty heavy and they have strongly advised me to take Alka-Seltzer. On the bright side the climate is just lovely with an average of 70 and sunshine. I will be staying with a Padre and his family in Medellin, visiting different churches, missions and tourist sights. I am so excited.

My Brain is Growing

2008-09-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

Maria Pilar just came into my office shared 3 peanut M&M's with me. M&M's were never a favorite candy of mine with the exception of the peanut butter filled ones. It took me by surprise how satisfying those 3 M&M's were and I realized how much I missed chocolate...
Point #1 peanut butter in candy doesn't exist here, I have yet to see even a jar of it on the shelf in the store, and a stash of chocolate is necessary to the life of Audra.

Last night I walked home from the office all by myself! This may not sound like a big deal but it really was. My coworkers and host family have gone out of their way to make sure I know the routes and feel safe. On my 10 minute walk from work to home I pass bakeries, 1 huge grocery story, a handful of armed police officers, and about 9 pet stores(just on my block).
Point# 2 I so very much appreciate their concern for my safety but realizing I could stop in any one of the stores without asking was a mini high.

My host dad is now back at the apartment. Whether he is improving or stagnating, I am not sure of what to tell you. Physically, he is healing, walking better, his hair is growing back, he cracks jokes once in awhile. As for being himself, he still isn't, he has trouble remembering some things and his personality is still off, the doctor says it will take around 3 months to fully recover. His 10 brothers and sisters, plus cousins, aunts and uncles have been here every day, talking with him, helping my host mother, it is incredible. Please continue your prayers for him and the rest of the family.
Point #3 Faith is keeping my family going, the love, the memories, each other, and the numerous people from community who come to give their love, support and time. I am at a loss of words for explaining my thoughts and feelings here.

Point #4 everything all in one:

Mailing information!!! DO NOT send packages regular mail, unless you send it now, there is a chance I might get it before I leave. Send packages with Fedex or DHL, usually takes a week and everything arrives in the package. and make sure you include peanut butter/caramel/mint chocolate of some sort
In order to get a visa I have to leave the country, not having a visa makes taking language classes a challenge, and I am not sure if I will actually get a visa.
I am beginning to miss things about the northwest. Homemade jams, fresh apple cider, the changing of seasons, being able to access nature, mountains, bodies of water safely within a 30 minute drive, familiar live music, and microbrews...

Daylight year round: 6 am to 6 pm.

2008-09-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

Days in the office are filled with trying to look up spanish words I don't know in the dictionary, browsing the internet, and of course lunch for an hour. The biggest meal of the day, starting with soup, then the main dish which usually consists of meat, rice, potatoes and/or yucca, salad and fresh fruit juice.

I am growing antsy with sitting in the office with not much to do, and am getting frustrated with not having a camera to take photos. Today I'm going to hopefully enroll in a Spanish class at a nearby university.

Last week I went to a mission in one of the poorest parts of Bogota. The Padre proudly showed me around the mission(combination of a church and home for old ladies). Here also, in the afternoons they serve kids a hearty lunch and help them with their homework. After showing me around, the Padre sat me in a chair and had the kids come and ask me questions and then he left the room. I know! That was my first reaction also, 'what! he's leaving me in the room alone with all these kids!' The second, 'What's to fear? Bring it on!' Then came the questions- rapid fire. How many aunts and uncles do you have? Did you actually fly on an airplane? How many kids do you have? Do you shower with warm water? They were sooo excited, all of the kids started talking at once. I could not understand a thing, even when only one child was talking at a time. It was great. Eventually the kids requested that I sing, I don't sing. I sang. Animated camp songs. This got the kids even more excited and they dragged me out to teach me how to play soccer in the street.

Any fears I had about working with children, or not knowing a language evaporated within milliseconds and I left the mission completely speechless. They were so wonderful, and so happy, so simple in the most magnificent of ways.

Being a little selfish on my part, I want more of this more interaction, more depth, more challenge, more of anything. I am still 'observing' and learning so much and know things will begin to fall into place as the year carries on, trying keeping in mind this is only just barely completing my second week in Colombia. Patience Audra, patience.

First Impressions

2008-09-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

I stare out my office window into another world. There is a street that winds up the hill leading to a view of a lush and majestic mountain. I get lost in my thoughts, trying to break down everything that has happened within the past week. I suppose I will start with a few things I have noticed...

1. I don't know why they put lines on the roads, because they don't mean anything to cars. Pedestrians DO NOT have the right of way.

2. Bogota is built out of brick, with much more of a European feel, and I am 7th tallest person in the city.

3. Cows, goats, sheep, horses are kept on the sides of roads or in pastures. They are tied to 5ft. ropes that are attached to steaks in the ground.

4. A small cup of absolutely delicious coffee follows lunch, and is had with a small snack for dinner, unless you prefer hot chocolate. plus bread. such good bread.

5. Curbs are about a foot high.

My host dad is having his brain tumor removed today, and the other night I had a conversation with my host brothers about him, and how he has changed. Please keep my host family in your prayers. I cannot imagine how difficult it has been on my host mom or the family and I am so inspired by the love they still have and show for one another, and still have room to generously and graciously welcome me into their family. I feel overwhelmed by the generosity and could not have asked for a better host family, or entry into the country. Every priest I have met has invited me to come to their parish to talk, to help, or just to share a part of themselves with me.

Mostly I have been doing translating work, English to Spanish in the Diocesan office. Tomorrow, I am getting my visa (knock on wood) and Thursday I will be heading out with a priest to help with a few projects in his neighborhood. Photos from a weekend trip are coming soon!

imagine. believe. inspire.

2008-09-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

Ok folks, here I am sitting in the terminal of LAX, a quarter of the way to my destination of Bogota, Colombia trying to stay calm. My tickets all got canceled so the nice lady at the ticket counter spent half an hour trying to fix it while I stood staring at the other passengers lugging their the 100 pound bags on the scale and frantically pulling out cheap knock puma knock-offs trying to make their body bags a tad lighter. Watching them while trying to translate their rapid Spanish caused reality to hit me like a brick wall. Doging my fearful thoughts in an effort to stay calm and take deep breaths was not easy.

The reality was that I was standing in LAX thinking about how little I know about the challenges that many Colombians face. I began thinking about how I do not know what I will encounter over the next year, will it be the 10 year old child begging for money that once received will be used to buy drugs which ease the pains of being homeless and alone? Or will it be having to see first hand the damage of Plan Colombia seeing that lands that have been raped and pillaged? These thoughts quickly escalated when I realized that yes, these are the some realities I might have to face, but there is also so much more to it then this.

It is unusal that I let these thoughts get to me but being 1 am and just having finished my last phone call in the US I am having difficutly articulating my mixture of feelings and emotions. But summed up aside from a little tired I feel good. This is exactly where I am supposed to, and want to be. I am ready to be humbled, to learn, to share, to give completely all I have to give, to fully live this experience. This year will be full of challenging and amazing moments and I feel good and am ready to embrace everything, to embrace life. So I want to leave you all with a bit of advice I heard recently...

Go create yourselves memories!

I fly away... September 9th

2008-08-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

As I fall deeper into the whirlwind of preparations for Colombia there is one nostalgic song that plays on repeat in my mind, it is a terrible soundtrack. It takes me back to my teeny bopper days of the late 90's to the pop boy band group N*SYNC. For some reason unannounced to me I cannot stop the "catchy lyrics" from playing on repeat, they a go little something like this '...here we go one more time, everybody's feeling fine now. Yes, yes, yes here we go now." (It does make me smile as it transports me into the memories of the younger years of my exquisite youth)

The ironic thing happens to be I do not think 'everybody's feeling fine now'. Many people have expressed their strong feelings about their views on Colombia AND their even stronger views on Audra Marie Krislock, age 23, living in Colombia for one year. These thoughts include but are not limited to the simple fact that there is probably no reason that I would ever need to step foot outside my apartment in Bogota. Not even for a breath of fresh air because that was the entire logic behind the invention of windows. Now I am being a little dramatic and although I do understand this fear and know there is validity to it, it saddens me a little and I'm not exactly how to explain. It might be that I hope that others will feel the same sense of calming peace that I do about my soon to be adventure. But then again God did make all of us humans quite different, so my goal for the year: bask in the worlds inhomogeneity.

Thinking about the wide variety of peoples reactions has caused a realization to strike me. It is the appreciation and love I have for challenge. Challenge causes growth and if something stops growing it dies. This love of challenge/growth is not a feeling everyone gets as excited about, or actively pursues. The number of you who have expressed some concern but intertwined it with such kind words, support and love is very much out weighed by the latter.

And a quick logistical update... struggling to get everything in line before September 9th has made for quite a full plate tacked on with a huge side dish of some big 'life lessons' mostly in the areas of my patience and faith. I have been trying to invest my faith consciously in many positive thoughts and prayers such as: everything with the visa will come through, they will let me into the country without too heavy of an interrogation, and I will have raised enough money before my departure. Aside from those three minor details, I sleep very well at night.

Summer flies

2008-06-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

I am getting a little more nervous and excited as September nears and summer flies by. I cannot believe that September comes after August, it seems to be ridiculously soon. I tried watching a Colombian movie a few nights ago, trying to prepare myself and oh boy, I have a ton of catching up to do... I had to put on English subtitles. I have decided to trust in the fact of what everyone is saying about how all my Spanish will come rushing back once I am there.

Update on Colombia... I recently found out I will be living with a host family for the first three months in Bogotá until another YASCer, Laura-Catherine, arrives in January, when we will move together into an apartment. This will be neat, I think I am getting the best of both worlds, a family experience and independence.

First Attempt

2008-05-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is the first time ever in my entire life I have attempted 'blogging'. I have heard rumors from many others who have traveled far and wide across the world that it is the easiest way to share with others the work I will be doing in Colombia. I will try my hardest to keep this updated with my adventures while abroad, while trying not to overwhelm you with too much text. Photos will be coming soon, so stay tuned and stay in touch!